I feel really lightheaded and weak right now and I don’t know why
Been thinking a lot about the future and realized that I’m not really where I want to be in life right now. For the last couple years I’ve been stuck in this mindset of just wanting to have good times and do what I wanna do, but that’s not making me get any closer to my ultimate goal in life.
I need to start focusing on bettering myself and actually working towards something that can move me forward. Making plans like this is scary but if it works out it’ll be for the better and I’ll be one step closer to actually achieving my goal.
Hopefully this all works out.
I still wake up every morning, and I still miss her.
Now that you found it, it’s gone
Now that you feel it, you don’t
You’ve gone off the rails
I wish this bed wasn’t so lonely
Let’s kiss for a few hours. You and I. I don’t mind where or when or even if you’ll call me after because I know you will. Hands on your face, mouths like honey, let’s kiss until the spaces between us are swollen with it. I want to know what the dip of your breath is like when you’re happy. And how your face feels when I’m holding it. More, when you’re excited. Mostly, your palms. Or the tangle of my hair in your fingers. I want to kiss you for days, or what feels like days but is only hours. Or, you know, days that are days. We can pause for food and water but not breaths. We can pause to say “hey, I like the way you feel when you’re soft beneath me” or “listen, it’s still not enough with you, I’m worried it never might be” and start all over again.
Sasha the grumpy pug
Sasha lookin cute as fuck
Depression is stupid and not a thing that makes me a better writer. One time I went a whole year without writing and I stayed in bed and drank. Fuck your Bukowskisms. I want sunlight and love and running down some street I’ve never been on where it’s warm and cool at the same time and I’m smiling. I want nothing to ever be bad again — and I don’t mean that I want a life free of conflict, I mean that I want a life free of meaningless conflict. Not being able to will oneself to take a shower or leave the house is meaningless. There is nothing to be gained, no lesson to be learned from that kind of life. My heart is stale, my prose is stale. Give me fire if you want to hurt me. Give me something I can taste. There’s nothing romantic or mysterious about where I am. There’s nothing here worth holding onto.
And if I could climb up to heaven
I’d break in through your window
Take the curtains out from your bedroom
And wrap myself up in them till I fall asleep
Wild Nothing // Quiet Hours
It’s not what I want
It’s what I need